Since I last posted, I've found some other fun resources and pages that you can visit if you want to know more about the staff I worked with, and the camps I helped with.
If you would like to read about the staff, click here.
If you would like to see the Camp Des Cimes facebook page, click here.
There are some videos, and more pictures, and French you can try and read if you like.
I'll try and post with pictures and video next time too :]
Even when it's hard to.
Kinda like the few days we had in between Youth Camp, and Adult Camp.
I had been sick the last three days of YC, which is rough on me, both physically and mentally. Add to that the campers leaving, and saying individual goodbye's (it's a little different, but I love it. But more difficult). Needless to say, I completely crashed. Like slept more than normal people should sleep, ate less than normal people should eat, and cared less than normal people should care. I crashed, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was praying for strength I didn't have, and hadn't had. I was on my last motivation kick, and was running low. I was so blessed that we had two days without campers, so I could sleep, pray, and recover. I was by no stretch of the imagination what I would consider "ready" for new campers to come, and was scared that I in my lack of energy was going to take away from what needed to happen in those next two weeks.
There is one phrase I kept hearing though, one I've heard before, but have never had to practice quite like this.
"Fake it 'til you make it."
I was there.
I hate faking it. I have been shown little value in anything regarding the word 'fake'.
I wanted to just be real and honest, and that be enough.
But, you never grow like that.
You have to step up to a higher level than you think you can.
You have to take another step up into who God is trying to make you.
So, at first, you have to fake it.
At least until you make it.
Which, is what I tried to do. I had no other choice if I wanted to be involved in anything worth while, or God-glorifying.
I mean, I was a pretty bad faker. Trust me.
I'm not proud to admit that I probably could have given more during that time than I did.
I had my moments of giving in to weakness. More than I'd like to admit.
I could have pushed myself more.
But, by Friday (the adult campers came on a Tuesday), I had the moment.
The God-given moment where faking it became making it.
We were in a "sports time" where we had to run around to different activities. In one of them, we had to make commercials using a certain key phrases, and a certain few objects. We would perform them later in front of everyone, and have judges. Hilarious, right? We came up with one pretty quick, and developed it throughout the time we had, and then moved on to the next event. We came back, and were one of the first groups to present. A few minutes before, we had a run-through, and it felt like it was missing something.
Let me just say, we were advertising for a hair product that could make your hair grow, and cover those 'embarrassing bald spots'. It can't get much funnier, especially when you are given things like tea cups, a ski mask, a green wig, dishwasher soap, and pieces of what once was a girl's genie Halloween costume.
It was awesome.
But there was something missing.
And then, a light bulb turned on inside my head. (Thank you Jesus!)
Pour the dish soap on your head.
Yup.
Not a big deal in the States, and not really in general if you think about it. It's just soap.
But it was too perfect. No one expected it from me, it's completely not something they would normally do, and I would be showing a little piece of me through all the craziness I felt inside my head.
The judges' faces were priceless.
Our team won.
My hair smelt like lemon-lime for hours.
But more importantly, I learned the value in 'fake it 'til you make it'.
Please don't think I wasn't excited about meeting, and hanging out with, and talking with these students, they were eager, and wonderful and so patient with me. Please don't think that I am some super-awesome person because I 'made it'. Those aren't the reasons I tell that story.
I tell it, because I was literally journaling things like:
"...Lord, I'm scared, because my attitude hasn't yet recovered. Please help me to renew my mind. I feel so 'done', but I am not yet finished... give me energy, help me to mentally be engaged, and help me draw my strength from You. I need you Father, I'm trying to show Your love through. Help me to just love, whatever it looks like, and even if I don't like how, just to love..."
And then I went, and read 1 John 4:16.
"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us."
And I heard "Not by strength, not by might, but by Your Spirit." (Zechariah 4:6 )
And I was told to wait in this place. To rest there, for a few precious days.
And then He gave me that light bulb moment, where a little dish soap in my hair was what I needed to think, see, and feel more clearly.
That's all Him. Using broken, silly, and doubtful me. I cannot, and will not take His credit. I had nothing to do with the success of breaking down myself here, and I might have been doing things that were fighting against it. But once I saw what I had to do, and was given the strength, it was just a matter of when I would get a shower to rinse out the goo.
Now, I don't mean to make this story seem bigger than it really is. You may think that I am exaggerating a little dish soap story. And maybe I am. But if I am exaggerating what God did, then aren't I just bringing Him more glory?
2 Corinthians 12:9-10 says:
"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."
I had/have verse 9, at least in this story. It's the verse 10 that adds to my list of weaknesses, because I was not as close as Paul was in 'delighting' also in those trials. I was crawling. I'm only just beginning to see, and understand.
Seeing how it's a bit late, and I've written quite a bit, I think I'll pause this for now. There is much more to say.
Thank you all for your patience with me as I wrestle with what to write here.
Thank you for all the prayer I know I had on this trip. Not because anyone told me per say, but because of how it all went. I had to have had prayer.
Thank you for giving me so much financial support I am able to help my other teammates.
(I'm working on the idea of thank-you notes, Sky and I are having communication difficulties).
Thank you Jesus for leading me how you have.
He is so good.
Please say a prayer for me as I continue to transition back to life here. School is about to start, and I fully feel like I am in 'the calm before the storm' in many ways. Part of what was very freeing for me in France was how free of responsibility I was. Well, I had many responsibilities, but.... it's different. I'm just really struggling with the idea of school demanding my attention, effort, and energy. I want to put it other places. I'm impatient to be fully 'here'. But, I've got to wait! And it starts Monday, whether I am ready or not. So it's a little hard to make posts like these, reflecting like I need to, still learning like I should, but also looking forward, and trying to step up into who I need to start being this semester. It's not going to be easy, but it will be good.
Please say a prayer for the students we talked with, and as we have a little continued contact with them. Pray that they would continue to be refreshed, and grow. It's a harsh environment these kids to walk back into, and it will not be easy.
Please say a prayer for Camp des Cimes, and the staff. I miss them dearly, and I know that they all work very hard :]
"The LORD gives strength to His people;
The LORD blesses His people with peace."
Psalm 29:11
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