So close...

...I can smell the bread.

I bet you didn't know that when you signed up to be my supporter, that I would be giving you books to read.

Summer reading if you will.

I always did secretly like summer reading.

Yes I am a nerd. But it's getting me a degree :]

I really do want to say thank you again, for all of you who have given support to me in this whole adventure, whether through prayer, monetarily, or in encouraging words. I cannot tell you how much of a blessing it has been! It helps me keep going, and helps give me reassurance, and adds confidence. Not that I find my confidence in other's encouragement, no. That would be wrong. Not confidence that I am able to handle this- no. Because I know that I can't. Oh no.But it is still so nice to hear the encouragement that I have heard. And to know that money wise, God has provided. And to know that I have people praying for me.. crazy. Thank you so much.

As I enter this adventure, I am very aware of the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing. I have never been a camp counselor. I have never gone backpacking, I have never been taught or played soccer successfully, and so many other little things that I will be experiencing over the next few weeks. BUT God knows everything. I can't handle this, but He is more than big enough.

I go between finding comfort in the idea of not having any idea what I'm doing, and being a little panicky about it, haha. Maybe it means God is going to guide it all, and I just need to trust Him more.

Here are a few more specifics about our trip:

We fly out this Wednesday (tomorrow!), at 5:30p, and will arrive at the camp sometime Thursday evening. The following two days (Friday and Saturday) will be spent in training for us. From July 4-18, we will be doing camp for French youth, ages 14-18 years old, will all levels of English. So French high school students. There will be 40-50 of these kiddos.

The next two weeks (July 20-31) We will be doing camp for French young adults, 18+, with 'good' levels of English. There will be 20 of these people.

After this, we will be flying home, and should be back in Dallas by 3:40pm on August 1st.

We will have worship twice a day, and a message from one of the English counselors (us) or one of the French counselors (who we will be working with). We will also do a lot of hiking, and physical activity (It's camp!) like soccer, volleyball, photography workshops (and other creative workshops) self-expression times, games, art, rock climbing, etc.

I know, sounds like I'm not going to have any fun with these kids :p

I hope they have a blast, and see Jesus through it all.

That is the schedule for those of you who have asked to pray over flights and such (which I greatly appreciate). Please please be praying over these students, as we try to live out Jesus to them. We are not there to beat the Bible into them. We are not there to give them altar calls until they come crying down the aisle. We are there to love them, and share with them the truth of how a relationship with Jesus is the greatest thing you could ever have. It's culturally different, and difficult to be verbal with them about Christ first, you have to kinda 'live them into talking about it'. I'm a very verbal person, so I hope that God speaks louder than I do.

Good thing He's bigger.

Other than this light schedule outline, I have no idea what I'm walking into. And I'm learning to love it.

Which is really weird for me, if you know me. It's taken a lot of work from Jesus for me to say that. And prayer.

I couldn't ask for more. I don't even deserve this.

It amazes me that God loves, and wants to use broken, doubtful, and frustrating little human beings.

It amazes me that God loves and wants want to use me.

What an awesome Father. Teacher, Lover, Friend.

Gah.

Lately, a certain Bible story has been hovering in my mind. And also lately, a similar song on the radio has been standing out to me. I finally re-read the story and looked up lyrics, and, well, you'll see. They speak a lot for themselves. I know that I need to 'hear in between the words' of both, so I thought I would share. The passage is from Matthew 14:

25 During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. 27 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." 28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."29"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" 31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" 32 And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33 Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." (Emphasis added).

The song is called 'Walk on the Water Too', by Britt Nicole:

You look around and staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder
What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there
Will You hear my prayer?
When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

So get out and let your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste, don't wait
And don't you turn around, and miss out on
Everything you were made for
Gotta be, I know you're not sure, more
So you play it safe, you try to run away
If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water too

Step out, even when it's storming
Step out, even when you're broken
Step out, even when your heart is telling you,
Telling you to give up
Step out, when your hope is stolen
Step out, you can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid
So what are waiting, what are you waiting for

So what are you waiting for
What do you have to lose
Your insecurities
They try to hold to you
But you know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all it takes
And you can walk on the water,
Walk on the water too

Ok. When I hear or read these words, I am able to see how they parallel a lot of the feelings I'm having right now, as I near the jumping point of this adventure. And they both have a lot of truth that speak to those feelings, truth that brings me little pieces of peace (ha) as I float between being nervous and excited. I am very thankful for this peace. I need it so strongly. I know this is only a month, but a month is eternity when you can't feel God with you. (Or is it just me?) Good thing I know He is :]

I'm also thankful that this is not the first time I have felt these things. I've mentioned my first time at camp... It's a fantastic story of God at work, but not the one I have time to post yet here. Just know that I felt very similarly then :] God did fantastic work that summer, last summer, and I know that He will do no less this summer. It is my highest hope that He will use our team and the camp He has set up in France mightily in the lives of the people we will be working with.

Paul says in Acts13, referencing Habbakuk 1:5:

"For I am going to do something in your days that you would not believe, even if someone told you."

Pray for this. Pray that God would move and 'do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us'.

For me, Sky Ranch, for France, for Europe, for the United States, for Ghana, for Japan, for China

for the world.

²⁴"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. ²⁵And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. ²⁶From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. ²⁷God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. ²⁸'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

²⁹"Therefore since we are God's offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by man's design and skill. ³⁰In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent. ³¹For he has set a day when he will judge the world with justice by the man he has appointed. He has given proof of this to all men by raising him from the dead."

-From Acts 17.

There is much more I want to write, but I haven't the time right now. Man, I edit these things so many times before I write them. I have this one too, but not as much as I like. Maybe later I will come back and explain things better. Maybe not. My suitcase is still just over 50 lbs.. so I'm packing things in the backpack tight. I'm really glad I have a bigger backpack now, haha.

Edit: Here is my address there if you would like it, and if you would like to send something, please try and make sure mail would come when I am actually there, hah.

Lauren Capps

Camp des Cimes

La Rivoire

38520 Bourg d'Oisans

France

Thanks!! Love.

And so now I leave you, with much love and blessings. May you truly seek out HIS purpose for your life in His plan. He's the playwright. Find your role, and play it. Dare to make it real. That is my prayer for you.

A Peak.

If I ever doubted the fact that I write enough for a book, this post blows that out of the water. It's probably the longest yet. But I do think every word necessary, and I pray you do too.

Enjoy the story :]

As some of you know, I have spent the last 24 days traveling. A lot. I'm not sure I even knew exactly the extent of it until now, when I'm home. My Mom, brother and I have been on five flights, multiple busses and trains, and now my brother and I can say that we have visited 12 new countries. Going into, and coming out of this trip, I have had many mixed feelings. But I learned a lot, and despite the pace, was able to get some rest and retreat. I will say more about this trip, but I am going to try and keep it limited to how it relates to the purpose of this blog for sake of length and focus.

On this trip, as we traveled, we saw and heard many different things about the people and countries we were in. We had many experiences, with both positive and negative. Everything from seeing a special practice parade of the Queen's guards for her birthday celebration in London, to seeing our tour guides purse stolen right off our bus in Rome. There are so many stories :] The first few days were rougher for me, I'm not always the most willing morning traveler, but once I got into the routine, I absorbed everything I could.

Just about the time we hit... Paris (?) I had enough traveling behind me to do some reflecting. No, It was Copenhagen. So after the first 14 days. I felt heavy, and exhausted. I was wondering how in the world I was ever going to be ready for France if I had another ten days like the first fourteen. So I sat on the couch in our hotel room after dinner, and journaled, prayed and read. It was a good time, and a few things were revealed there. One thing that I was shown was one reason I felt heavy- all I felt had seen for the past two weeks were people who were broken. Governments who had big problems, and people who had bigger ones. I cannot even tell you how many churches and cathedrals we went into, (there are literally so many I don't remember), that were beautiful. Really, like nothing else I have ever seen. I was left awed at architecture, and how they built these great buildings as a parallel for how they viewed God, and at their persistence over literally hundreds of years to build just one. It was, and is, considered an extreme honor to be buried in one. And each one is different. But when I walked in, few made me feel. (And I feel a lot). I ache because I fear for the minority who come seeking, but who are blinded by their expectations, and traditions. It's a pretty heavy thing. I'm not sure I can even put into words all of the how and why, but they felt empty. The very places that God was supposed to be the most, His house, felt empty. And that just scared me. Sure, it was just a feeling. God IS everywhere, and He is working everywhere- that is still the truth. But they felt empty. That isn't ok.

Of course, when I reached this point in my learning, I was exasperated. All of these countries have so many problems, the people I see have problems, and the very cathedrals feel empty. It was quite a weight. But then God turned the page for me, and started telling me of His love for these people. For these nations. How He is working in their lives, even though they may not know it, and even though they may never attribute it to Him. Even if they can't see it, and even if I can't see it. History and the ideas of the past and tradition are huge in Europe. But God is working there now too. I journaled:

Being a tourist is difficult for me sometimes. I see so many problems, that I have no time, authority, not to mention skill or wisdom to help fix in a single sightseeing trip, or ever. It hurts my heart to see so much broken, and frustrates and overwhelms me that I am unable to help. We as a world are so broken Lord. I am glad that you are more than enough for me, and for the world, as deep in trouble as we have gotten ourselves. We are never too far, Your love reaches farther than our disobedience. Thank you!

It's true. He is moving.

Another insight I was given into why I had been feeling so heavy was because I deeply missed camp and friends in Cave Springs, and all my close friends from A&M who are in many more countries than I will go to. While missing all of this, I was given windows into how things were going in those places, blogs, pictures, texts. So I missed them more, and felt a little jealous for not being able to be these places. Today, God whispered why. My heart has still ever-so-slightly been hanging on to these people and places. Yes, they are part of what has made me me, but they are not part of who I am. I know, that reads a little weird. English can only go so far to describe what I mean :] But if you think about it, it makes sense.

Whew. I feel like I should take a typing break. So if you feel necessary, please take a water break :]. I've covered two of four weighty ideas, just to give you an idea of where I'm going.

Aaaaaand we're back.

Quick recap.

I love Cave Springs, and I love my friends. God has spoken very loudly through both, and I have been impacted and influenced very heavily by my experiences with both. But they are not who I am. Realizing this is a big deal, and it is something that I must remember. We will come back to this idea.

To zoom out a little, I'm briefly going to put this post in context with some ideas from previous posts...

My struggle with my latin class, with my perception and value of myself, and so many other things, have been stepping stones. The insights and words of encouragement I have been given, and how I act on them are stepping stones. Steps I had to take in faith, steps that were in front of me, but I didn't know why, or how I was going to take them. I've made it this far, stumbling the whole way up through Him, by Him, and for Him.

I feel sentimental looking back, but I know that I MUST move forward. I must let go of the past, or I will once again risk defining myself by it. I must let go of the ideas, people, and misconceptions I have been trying to define myself by, and I must not forget the truth and love I have felt and learned, not forget the support I have that goes with me, not forget who I am, and JUMP.

At camp in Cave Springs working the zip line started out as the most scary part of my job. Then, it became my most cherished. For so many reasons. One of the reasons is, once a kid (and more adults than you would think) lets go for the first time and jumps, trusts me, the equipment, and God that nothing bad is going to happen to them, and they feel that rope catch them, their eyes instantly light up. You see it every time, EVERY time! And it never gets old. It is beautiful. Going to camp the very first time, not knowing anyone, and being in the physical health, and mental state that I was in is MUCH like this; I felt completely unprepared. I was absolutely terrified the first two weeks. But God caught me, and He taught SO MUCH including how to just enjoy the ride, and to be better with 'ziplines'. Last summer, it was more concrete, I was really comfortable with heights. But you are always attached to something up there. Jumping; that free fall... that's a completely different sensation. Fear and adrenaline and excitement are still all rolled up inside me with that sensation. And I here I stand, at this peak, and I am being asked to jump. It's almost time.

God has used all these seemingly random things I have included in this blog, and the dozens I have left out for sake of space, to bring me to a peak. One that is both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time just to stand on. One that I'm not meant to stand on long, I must jump off of. For now, I get to rest, listen, and absorb all thats around me. In one week, I will jump. Jump also implies that all of me will go; I go physically, mentally, and emotionally, with all my doubts, all my fears, and all my hopes and prayers.

And then I will feel it. I will feel Him catch. When I jump, I jump into His arms. I jump to Him.

I don't mean to make this experience of getting ready for, and going to France more than it is; it is just a chapter in the book of my life, just one peak of one mountain I have, and will climb. But here, right now, and on this blog, it is the one I am here to tell you about. I tell you all of these things, with the hope you will be encouraged in what you read. If there has been any insight in this chapter of my life that I have learned, or that by grace you have learned, I thank God for it. I know I am a mess, (we ALL are), but I serve a God who uses broken and messy people. And I couldn't be more grateful.

I think I'm going to have one more post before I leave. Once I get to France, we will have a few days training before we start camp. Once we start camp, we English counselors are said to get one day off a week. I am very hesitant to take my laptop, because I know it would be a huge distraction.. so I will need to rely on office computers for updates, and on days off. I'm not sure just how reliable updates will be, but if I can't blog while I'm in France, I will journal specific updates and post them after. I did want to let you all know a little more of what to expect :] Funding wise I am completely covered, Praise God!

Pray for Europe, and that God would shine His light brighter in the darkness there.

Pray for France.

Pray for the students, that their hearts would be open, and that God would open their eyes.

Pray for my team, as we get ready in this last week to meet up and be counselors.

Pray for us, as we fill the roles of counselors, examples, friends, teammates, hikers, workers, and whatever other role we are called upon to fill.

Pray for our leaders, they have a big job :] (God is bigger!)

Pray that peace would guide my heart and my mind as I continue to prepare, and pack.

Praise God for the work He has done so far in Europe and France. In Japan, in Montana, in Southeast Asia, Africa, Haiti... everywhere I read He is moving. Praise Him!

Praise Him for the work He has done in my life, and in your life.

If you can't see Him moving, pray that He open your eyes, because He is moving.

If you see Him moving, and you aren't moving with Him, go where He is moving.

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."
-Romans 15:13