It has been quite a while again! But not because I haven't been thinking, and writing- no. I just haven't been able to yet find the right combination of words. I never was good at puzzles. I have such trouble deciding what to write here. I don't want to say the 'wrong' thing. Bear with me in my delays and struggles, trust me they exhaust me more :] I have a feeling it will be a recurring theme.
I do finally have insight on what is helpful to share- so here goes!
First:
I have report of a miracle! Some of you may laugh at this, but I do believe that it is purely by the grace of God's great hand that this happened.
I passed my Latin class.
Now, I'm not sure if you have heard me speak of it before, but this class (one of four I am to take) has caused me inner turmoil for one reason or another since before I was even officially signed up for it. I assure you, that this turmoil never really left (my roommates are witness to this), and won't until I finish the fourth class- but I do know that I don't think I have ever worked so hard, and had such great reward mentally. Taking this class wasn't just a mental challenge though, it was a challenge to my faith in God's plan for my life. (It's funny how I tie everything together, call me crazy, but it's just how I think). I realize that a mere Latin class having such weight is slightly ridiculous, and I can guarantee you that I have thought myself silly on the matter. This is the truth that it all boils down to. I would not have passed that class of my own power. I cannot continue to pass the next three on my own power. I did pass, so that I can attest to this fact, and give God the credit. (And thank those roommates for their encouragement :] ).
I read this earlier today, and it hit me:
"He intentionally puts His people in situations where they come face to face with their need for Him. In the process He demonstrates his ability to provide everything that His people could ever have imagined. In the end, He brings glory to Himself."
1. That is exactly what is going on with my latin class.
2. God is awesome.
Ok. So I can't let you get away with just one story. Two more.
I think that is mainly product of waiting so long :].
Well, you get more clarity with time, and more content.
It all ties in, promise.
Last week, a close friend and I met with two Mormons. I texted a significant number of friends asking for prayer over that time, because as prepared as I knew I had tried to be, I knew I didn't have any idea what I was going to do. I can tell you that I intended to share along with my friend with the Mormon missionaries the truth that I have, and to do so in as much love as possible. I can also tell you that we were barely able to share a word with them, as they were busy trying to convert us. We walked away with many thoughts, and as we tried to process them, many conversations ensued. The main few things that I have learned are as follows:
1. We walked in to a situation that was very dangerous. I knew that before I went, which is why I prayed over it multiple times, and why I asked for advice from multiple people, and prayer from even more. When we walked out, I realized even more of how dangerous it was.
2. Not only was it dangerous, it was a spiritual battle. And every time that I think about it, or talk about it, it becomes a spiritual battle again. Which is why I am trying to be careful, especially here.
3. Being a spiritual battle, and knowing that it was dangerous, it hit me. We are in a WAR.
Not one in which you fight with foam swords, and not one in which you are left to clean the peanut butter off of your car. This is dangerous stuff. People's SOULS are at stake. And we are called to fight! Not fight the lost, fight for them. But we CANNOT accomplish this on our own. These are the Lord's battles. He will fight them,
"He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's." 2 Chronicles 20:15.
But He calls us to fight for Him as well. (Judges 6:11-16).
4. It is going to cost you everything to fight with God, but you will lose everything if you don't. (Matthew 16:25, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.")
5. Reading the Bible, (and the Bible alone), is SO important to our performance in battle. In high school, I didn't set foot on a basketball court without trying to be properly hydrated, and never without the proper shoes. You can't fight a battle without training and being familiar with your sword. You must know your Bible, you must know The Truth. (The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing but The Truth). It is a huge part of being prepared. If you show up without your sword... you are in trouble.
As I continue to remain guarded, and trust in my Father, He helps me see things like this. Glimpses of battle. It scares me, but I know that I owe Him that respect. He is by far greater than any other force, and He holds me close. His love keeps me safe, though I am in the midst of a battle.
To change pace a little, I'll give you a bit of a cool down with some trip info. :]
I have begun to get my supplies gathered for the trip; the extra warm sleeping bag, the hiking boots, the extra camera memory card, the fashionable water bottle... all very necessary items of course. This part is exciting for me, because I get to start seeing tangible reminders of what is to come. Things are coming together.
Financially, right now I am within $300 or so of my goal, which is AWESOME. God has been so faithful to provide for this trip with a car wash and t-shirts, to wonderful friends and family who are partnering with me. I could not be more blessed in this area, I couldn't ask for more. I haven't had to worry a bit- He has taken care of me. (If only I trusted Him like this all the time!) If you could all please continue to pray for the rest of my team, as they prepare for this trip financially. (And spiritually, and physically.. you know).
Some words of wisdom were sent to the Sky Ranch Staff of this year by John Morgan, who is the Van Summer Camp Director. I just wanted to share some words that really jumped at me:
"God used the next two summers of my life (at Sky Ranch) to teach me how great He is…not how great I am. He taught me how great He can be in me. Starting in the interview by showing me how unqualified I am to do this. But He showed up in those summers in ways that allowed me to see that I don’t need to be great for Him to be awesome.
God is in control of the sun, the rain, life, death, the spin of the earth, and the summer you are about to be a part of. If you are feeling as if you may not be qualified to do this job this summer …then good. I don’t want you to do this job this summer. I want God to do a work in you and through you instead. And trust me, He is qualified to move in the hearts and lives of His people... Your weapons are of no use here. Your preparation for this battle looks less like collecting amo and knowledge, but more like preparing your heart...seeking the Lord and His strength, taking a look at where your relationship with God really is and seeing the areas in your life where you can push deeper into him. Proverbs 21: 31 it says “The horse is made ready for the day of battle,” So that starts now. Way before the battle we will ready our horses by positioning ourselves with God. A relationship is not something that is flipped on like a switch but rather a complicated thing that takes investment….time…effort…and it is the most important relationship you can invest in. It’s the most important thing you can do to set the table for this summer.
Are you nervous? Spend time with Jesus.
Are you overwhelmed? Spend time with Jesus.
Are you excited? Spend time with Jesus.
The last part of Proverbs 21:31 says:“ but the victory belongs to the LORD!” We do have responsibility in preparation in readying the horses and in getting our heart where it needs to be… but make no mistake - the victory belongs to the Lord. He is in control. He is going to work through you, in you, and because of you this summer. And the battle belongs to the Lord too."
These words have given me encouragement; to relax that God is going to do His job, and to work to ensure that I do mine. With this past semester, I have realized often how unqualified I am for much of what I am expected to accomplish. My first summer at Sky taught me that too, and it terrified me. I was scared of 'not being enough'. School continues to teach me that. But God continues to show me that when I am not enough in life, it's ok, because HE IS! What a relief! I am so glad my God is bigger than me, and my worries. Now if I can just be obedient to not worry, we'll be cooking :]
Prayer:
Pray for my team and I that we would let God work to prepare us for our trip, and the things that we have between now and then.
Pray that we would have greater faith in Him, that 'He would become greater, and I would become less." (John 3:30).
Praise Him that He is revealing Himself in more ways for me!
Pray for the hearts of the French kids that we will be building relationships with.
Pray that our team is able to come alongside other workers, and truly help support them.
Pray for those who are there who need rest, pray for energy and health for everyone.
And I want to thank you for supporting me however you may have to this point, and for how you will. If you sent me $5 or $, or even $1- thank you. If you said a prayer for me, thank you. If you said a prayer for my team, thank you- that is also a prayer for me. I could not have gotten where I am right now without the grace of God, and your support. Seriously. I am by no means done yet, this adventure has only just begun.
I will leave you with conclusion of what I said earlier... when I said all the stories tied in.. here's the missing piece:
"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."Ephesians 6:13
I pray that you all are encouraged, and challenged by these words, and I trust that they are worth your time. I do hope the best for you!
